Nicknames
by My0wnlittleworld247
Summary: Ichigo and Grimmjow are in our world, and thanks to the joys of Internet, learn their ever popular nicknames, "Ichiberry", and "Grimmkitty". Needless to say they don't take it well. Written for shits and gigs. If you're worried about damaging your delicate sensibilities, please don't read this, there is much swearing. Chapter 2 is Aizen and Gin, 3 is Byakuya, Renji, and Rukia.
1. Chapter 1

**Nicknames:**

"Grimmkitty!? GRIMMKITTY!? GRIMM-MOTHERFUCKING-_KITTY!?" _Yelled Grimmjow, "Who the fuck thought up _Grimmkitty_? Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, Number 6 Espada, sexiest fucking Hollow in the world is called _Grimmkitty_? Do I look like a _kitty_ to you?"

"Well, you doturn into a cat... with cat ears and a tail..." mused Ichigo, sniggering to himself.

"Shut the fuck up you son of a bitch!" yelled Grimmjow, throwing the computer screen at Ichigo, who dodged it easily.

"Hey, does that still work?" asked Ichigo, trotting over the screen and plugging it back into the computer; It had a dent in the middle of the screen surrounded by damaged pixels, but the surrounding areas still worked properly, "I wonder if they have any nicknames for me. They probably call me "Number One Protector", like my name means..." he said, grinning at the thought.

He typed his question into the search engine, clicking on the first option.

"Ichiberry?" asked Grimmjow, his sudden bad mood dispelled as he chortled at the nickname, "Hahahahahahaha Ahahahahahaha Ahaha! You're ahah, you're called, ha! Ichiberry! Hahahaha! That's even worse than Grimmkitty!"

"What!? How is that worse than Grimmkitty!? They're mocking your ability to turn into a Panther! They're mocking your strongest form!" Grimmjow's jaw clenched, his eyebrows knotting together; those sons of bitches _were _mocking his strongest form!

"Is that any better than messing with the name your beloved mother gave you? Knowing that it means 'Number One Protector', but switching the meanings because it's cuter that way! Hah! How cute Ichiberry!"

Ichigo's eyes flashed in rage at the mention of his mother. How dare those motherfuckers screw with the only thing he had left of her!

"I don't see how a berry is cuter than a kitty!" Ichigo shot back, his face reddening with fury.

"Fucker come over here and say that again!" Roared Grimmjow.

Fine! You're fucking asking for it!" bellowed Ichigo, moving swiftly to grab Grimmjow by his jacket. Grimmjow responded in turn, wrapping his fingers around Ichigo's throat, ready for battle.

Both turned in shock as the door slammed open, revealing a very short and very intimidating figure.

"Damnit! What the hell do you two think you're doing at three in the morning!?" demanded Rukia, her eyes lit with fury, she stopped, taking in the hostile situation, "Oh for Christ's sake, let go of each other, you're like children-"

"Rukia," interrupted Ichigo, Rukia cut off in surprise: never would she have expected Ichigo to interrupt her at a moment like that, "I'm sorry, but this is something we have to settle by ourselves. Don't interfere."

Grimmjow met Ichigo's eyes, nodding in agreement, and without a word they released each other, walking casually past Rukia, bound for Urahara's training area, where they intended to fight to the brink of death, a worthy sacrifice, for this battle would be the battle to determine the most important thing of all: The loser's nickname would officially be the stupider of the two, and that person would have to bear that shame for the rest of their life.

* * *

... sometimes I wonder about myself...

I apologise for the amount of swearing, it's not really my thing, but I felt it was necessary in these circumstances

Anyway, that was unexpected, I sort of just threw shit up and turned it into a story... Honestly I think this represents my true feeling about their nicknames (Well, if we forget the dramatic stuff) It just annoys me that they have such stupid nicknames, especially Grimmjow.

Uhmmmm, well, usually I write yaoi, but it didn't really fit here, and I didn't want to force it, sooooo, yeah, hence the lack of yaoi.

However, **I'm open for fic requests**, and **I don't charge**, so if anyone wants me to write them a fic, please PM me.

(**I only write yaoi **though, unless you want to throw a story at me that I think is amazing and can't go unwritten... try me, it might work...)

**Please review, I always reply.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Eehhhh? Aizen-sama, what part of this face looks like a fox?" whined Gin.

"All of it. I don't however see any butterfly features on my person," replied Aizen, his voice sulky, hidden only slightly by the haughty, condescending exterior that was his everyday voice.

Gin narrowed his eyes, and though many might doubt it possible, he managed. "Well, you do grow butterfly wings when you release."

Aizen held fast his cool façade, the annoyance flittering below the surface. He sat with his back turned to his silver haired comrade, seated before a computer, a popular device of the "real world" that he'd been interested in.

He hadn't realised that people watched their lives like a movie, nor that they'd have created such imbecilic nicknames for them all. Of course some were quite fitting, Grimmkitty and Ichiberry suiting the buffoons they belonged to. Fox-face was an interesting choice for Gin, but not altogether incorrect. ButterflAizen however, was the kind of name Aizen would kill to erase.

"I believe them to look more like the wings of an Angel, perhaps a God; I see no butterfly resemblance." He responded evenly.

"...Um... except for the fact that they look exactly like butterfly wings..." trailed off Gin.

"Which part, pray tell, looks like a butterfly wing?" asked Aizen, eyes flashing as he turned to face the former Captain.

"Which part of my face looks like a fox?" asked Gin, making a point.

"Gin, surely you see it, you have a pointy face, beady eyes, you look... cunning. Deceptive. You look like a fox."

Gin gaped at his leader, "beady eyes!? Aizen-sama, I don't have beady eyes!" he insisted hotly

"You never open them. It may lead one to believe that they are beady based on default."

"You mean you assume I have beady eyes because they're-they're..." he struggled for the right word, "squinty" didn't seem to help his case, "because they're usually closed!?" he finished lamely.

"You disagree with my analysis?" challenged Aizen.

"Fine! Which part of your wings look like a butter fly's? All of it! The symmetry, the little drippy thing at the bottom, the lack of feathers! They look exactly like white butterfly wings!" burst Gin hotly, forgetting his place, "You don't believe me?" he asked the aggravated man, "Fine, type in: ButterflAizen to that Google Images thing."

The brunet turned to the computer and typed the words into the bar, pressing each key heavily and slowly in his lack of experience with keyboards.

"See?" asked the silver haired man, "look, you've got the drippy bits at the bottom and everything! Oh and look there! Someone's put your head on Butterfree!"

"Gin, explain to me what this "Butterfree" is," demanded Aizen.

"It's... a Pokémon..." started Gin feeling like an idiot. He'd come to learn of Pokémon when he first snuck off to the human world for some fun. With not much to do in Hueco Mundo he'd become addicted to the games.

"A Pokémon?" drawled Aizen smugly, sensing he had a grasp of the upper hand.

"It doesn't matter. That Pokémon is a butterfly Pokémon, and they've put your face on it because you look like a butterfly in your released form."

Gin turned to the computer screen once more, giggling at the image of Aizen drawn as an entire butterfly.

"Simply because the majority of the human population are uneducated trash who create immature and unrealistic opinions and nicknames about me does not make them correct in any form of the word." Aizen explained, his haughty voice drawing the words in that serious, deep tone of his.

"Moving on, shall I provide you with evidence that you look like a fox?" he offered rhetorically, clicking to type into the search box: "Fox-face"

He scowled when the only images that popped up where of foxes... and a few of an orange haired girl who, frankly, looked nothing like a fox.

He tried again, ignoring Gin's snickers as he typed: "Fox face Gin" into the box.

This time the page filled with different images, studded with Gin's face among them, "Do you see? Your face came up."

"Because you wrote 'Gin'! There are no images with me looking like a fox though!" he cried triumphantly.

"Yes there is, right here" pointed Aizen to the image on a silver haired boy with silver ears and a tail.

"Aizen-sama... I think that's a cat..." mumbled Gin, only half protecting himself as he stared at the image. Why the hell was he dressed like a cat?

"But look at this other drawing of you wearing a fox mask." Insisted Aizen, hard pressed to admit that he was desperate to prove the creepy man wrong.

"...But why does the fox mask look like a Pikachu...?"

"A what?"

"Uhh, never mind. I mean that it doesn't look like a fox!" Gin grinned smugly, his thing mouth stretching across his face creepily.

Finally it came to him, the come-back he needed, "Ah, I understand." Said Aizen quietly, all-knowingly, as though he possessed the answers to life.

Gin glanced at him suspiciously, the corners of his mouth dropping to form a suspicious scowl, "Understand what?"

"Hmm?" asked Aizen, glancing at Gin as though he hadn't been paying attention, though they both knew full well he had, "I apologise, I simply meant that I understand why there are few images with you as a fox, that is all."

Gin opened his eyes slightly, the look menacing as his eyebrows furrowed, "Why do you think that is?"

"That's obvious," he stated, conveniently forgetting that he'd thought of it mere moment ago, "because your normal face looks so much like that of a fox that they don't need to explain it to the...audience. They simply show your face and everyone understands on principal."

Gin grit his teeth. _What a stupid thought, how could it possibly be true? It couldn't be! ...could it? Humans are strange creatures after all... maybe they do think I look like a fox! Oh my god I look like a fox! _Gin moaned inwardly.

"But I... I'm not a fox..." he mumbled to himself dejectedly, turning and walking back to his chambers, feet slow and shuffling like the living dead.

Aizen glanced over his shoulder, a smirk upon his face at his win. Nobody won against Aizen. Nobody.

He turned back to the computer, retyping ButterflAizen into the search bar, frowning as he examined the results in privacy. Did his wings really look like a butterfly's...? They did have that drippy thing at the bottom after all...

He sighed dramatically, scolding himself, or rather everyone else for questioning him. A ruler does not doubt himself!

He shut the computer down, trudging back to his throne, resting a cheek on his hand glumly. If he'd won, why did he feel as though he'd lost?

Maybe, do I actually have... butterfly wings...?

And thus, neither won, both falling into a depressed stupor with the recent knowledge of their reputations and appearances.

The End.

* * *

**A/N**

Soooo... yeah, not brilliant, sorry. I doubted that they'd launch into a screaming fit at each other like Ichigo and Grimmjow, and even if they would, I don't want both chapters to be the same.

So, I tried to imagine how they would take it... unfortunately, due to the excessive amount of AMVs I watch, I only ever see Gin being all serious and dramatic and sad and stuff... and I rarely see Aizen. Aizen is easy to remember because he's the typical arrogant asshole, but Gin was harder... so I wasn't sure how he would react... I hope I got it right ^_^ Or at least close enough...

Do tell me what you think. Was it out of character? Was it funny? Was it boring? Did you love it? Hate it? Etc.

And, I'm open for requests, please request via PM, not review, it makes things easier for me :)

Please Review! I reply to all my PMs and reviews, and love every single one of you that does so!

Also, the "Pikachu mask" bit was a Keaton mask from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time... the dialogue surrounding the Google Images was taken from an actual Google search I did, though the images may change, for now they make sense at least.

I'm writing a third chapter for Byakuya, Renji, and Rukia... It's different from these two chapters as those three don't really have official unofficial (as I've come to call it) nicknames... well, you'll see what I mean when I upload it.


	3. Chapter 3

"I don't understand..." mumbled Byakuya, eyes furrowed as he tried to make sense of the folly before him, "I'd even go as far as to say that I'm... confused..."

Rukia and Renji Exchanged glances, both as puzzled as each other.

"Nii-sama?" asked Rukia, shoving her way past Renji for a good view of the computer screen.

Renji leant in over the top of her to see better, "Captain?

"This... 'Fanfiction'" began Byakuya, the inverted commas dripping with disdain, "All of these stories, regardless of the content, they all leave out the adjective when describing me; I can't wrap my head around it, it's as though they left it blank to come back to and forgot... am I truly that hard to describe?"

The pair exchanged another look.

"Nii-sama, what do you mean?" asked the shortest of the group, raising an eyebrow at her cryptic elder bother.

"What do I mean? Rukia surely you see it," he chastised. He gave a sigh at her disappointed sigh, resigning himself to the intellects of his company, "Very well, I shall provide an example for you."

He scrolled through the numerous words, skipping paragraph after paragraph of introduction, landing right in the middle of a scene composed of him and his Lieutenant locked in a passionate embrace.

Renji blushed bright red, his face indistinguishable from his hair as he stared in disbelief at what he read. Rukia beside him blushed a light pink, eyes wide, hand itching to grab the mouse from her bother and scroll further.

Byakuya on the other hand ignored the content, far more interested in his lack of adjective; no colour brushing his porcelain skin as he began to read the sought after line:

"Byakuya's pretty face contorted as he arched his back, releasing over Renji's tanned stomach.

'God you're pretty when you make that face' Renji whispered to him."

"So you see? They aren't using any adjectives. What do they mean? My "pretty attractive face"? My "pretty ';handsome face"? My "pretty stoic face"? Despite the fact that they have no literary skill, they're even missing adjectives when describing my character."

Renji hadn't moved an inch from Byakuya's narration, eyes wide with mortification.

"Rukia!? It isn't funny!" he yelled at the short girl who was writhing in hysterics on the ground, hands clutched to her belly, "Oi! Rukia! It's not like—I mean I would never- He's my Captain! It's just- Oh my god it's just—Why're you laughing!?"

"What is this box?" wondered Byakuya. 'Type your review for this chapter here', is that so?

"Uh, Captain..." mumbled Renji, eyes averted from the screen, "when it says 'petty'... I mean it isn't... they're not missing a word out, they're just calling you pretty..."

"... yes, pretty what?"

"Captain, they're just calling you pretty, nothing else, just pretty."

"... pretty what?

"Gah? Captain! You're beautiful, cute, endearing, lovely, choose whichever goddamned word you want, they mean the same thing!" he yelled in exasperation, stiffening when he realised what he'd said, "Uh! I mean! Uh, that, uh, that THEY think you're those things... not me..." he ducked his head with chagrin when Rukia began giggling to herself from the other side of the desk where she'd relocated, eyes glued to the screen that she's turned to face her.

The Captain considered this, eyes cold as he thought about it, "you mean to say that 'pretty' is a word meaning the same as 'beautiful', and ... 'cute'?"

"Well... kind of..."

"'Kind of...'" he asked dubiously, "then why am I, a man, being described as 'pretty'?" he asked.

I think the real question is why the hell are you, A MAN, having SEX with me!? ...And why do you not care!?

"Uhh... well... actually 'pretty''s a little more... girly... y'know, less like a mature woman or a little kid, but... well, 'pretty'..."

"...So pretty is used to describe an effeminate image?" he received a nod, "Then I'm even more confused as to why it is used to describe me."

"Well I'd have to say it's because you're pretty! You have a very feminine face!" stated the redhead, humiliation dying to let some of his usual personality show, laughing at the raven haired man.

Suddenly a chill of death ran through him, fear raising the hair on his neck at the unseen danger. He met his Captain's his eyes quickly, flinching at the cold fury he found within them.

"I fail to see what features of my face appear 'girly'."

"Uh... well I mean you look like a man, but you're not... rough, or anything..." Renji explained, mind racing to think of an explanation that made sense, "Like, you look like you would use hand creams and stuff-"

Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say as the glare doubled.

"Uhhhh! That's not what I meant!" floundered the Lieutenant, "I mean you look more like a-a-a model or something, like you'd wear all fancy clothes, and pose for fancy.

Byakuya scowled at his subordinate, "Despite my disagreement, at least they don't refer to me as a fruit."

"...Why would they refer toy you as a fruit?"

"They wouldn't, which is why they don't. you on the other hand have been labelled the 'Red Pineapple'."

"RED PINEAPPLE!? What the hell kind of stupid nickname's that!?" demanded Renji indignant.

"The kind of nickname they give to idiots with pointy red hair, moron!" replied Rukia from across the desk.

"Tch, well whata' they call YOU then, huh?" he said, jabbing a finger at the girl, irate.

"Hmm..." mumbled Rukia, "they don't really have a name for me..."

"Bullshit, you liar!" he yelled, swivelling the computer screen to him again, face freezing humiliation when he saw the images his friend had been looking at.

He closed the page stiffly, shooting a dirty look at his friend before typing his question into the magic bar that gathered information at the touch of a button.

He scrolled through the websites listed, scowling when he found no nickname to speak of, "Hmph, well they all say you act like a man, so that's not any better."

Rukia bristled, her short eyebrows pulling together, "How do I act like a man!?" she demanded, reaching over the desk and grabbing a fist-full of Renji's shirt, pushing her face into his personal space.

"You're acting like a man now, Idiot!" Renji yelled back, fisting her shirt also, and pushing his forehead into hers as they glared at each other, metaphorical sparks flying.

"If you're done, stop fighting over top the computer, I'm trying to type" intoned Byakuya, his cold voice slicing through the room.

The pair let go of each other grudgingly, moving away from the computer to continue their disagreement.

Byakuya sighed at the immaturity of his companions, returning to the message he was typing in the Review Box.

_To whom it may concern,_

_ Have you an impaired ability to accurately gage the appearance of male characters? Either you have been missing each adjective as you come to describing my person, or you have been greatly misinformed of my true appearance. _

By the time he had finished typing this much, with the slow and deliberate speed of a novice typer, Rukia and Renji had finished their squabble, the ultimate result being a large bump on Renji's head.

The pair peered over Byakuya's shoulder, reading his letter with interest, disbelief crossing over Rukia's face, directed at the amount her brother actually cared about his reception, while Renji made a note to find a note to find a Review Box of his own to give whoever called him fruit a piece of his mind.

_ What about my face seems "pretty"? Surely inhabitants of this world must have understanding of one's image, how else has humanity lasted so long? It is my opinion that if the inhabitants of this world all misjudged each other's appearance and spoke so openly of their incorrect judgements, society would turn on itself, each misjudged person falling into rage until anarchy was all that remained._

_I suggest you rectify this problem immediately,_

_Byakuya Kuchiki_

Finally Byakuya finished typing his letter, leaning back content as he clicked the send button. Suddenly he stiffened, a grimace working over his mouth, "It would seem we have been longer than intended," he informed his juniors, glancing at the time at the bottom right of the computer screen, "we must return to Seireitei."

He stood swiftly, turning his back on the friends who scrambled to catch up with him, Renji grudgingly leaving his means of communicating with the world behind.

One day he will find another computer, and when he does, the world will rue the day they ever called him "Red Pineapple".

* * *

... What even?

Sorry this took so long for me to write, basically I was in the middle of writing it when I decided that Rukia was terribly out of character... then I may have forgotten about it for a while... then when I restarted writing it I couldn't be bothered fixing her characterisation as almost all of her parts were written already.

Personally, I perceive Rukia to be a headstrong, right wing girl. She may be a little odd, contrasting with the "  
right wing" part of her, but in terms of yaoi, I just don't see it, sorry guys :/ So I was going to make her really upset at the Fanfiction they found, but then I was like "...mmmmmmm... meh"

*Sigh* So I hope you enjoy this all the same, even though I think all three are out of character, and I don't think I did a particularly good job in terms of the actual writing on this chapter, I'm pretty happy with the content, so yeah, please review, I love feedback, and as always, I always reply.

Also, this will probably be my final chapter for Nicknames, I've noticed that the longer I work on something, the more I see a decrease in the quality compared to the first chapter or so... maybe I'm just imagining it, but it leaves me with little motivation to write longer or numerous chaptered stories. Even so, there's always a possibility that one day in the future I'll write another chapter, but right now, for all extents and purposes you can consider this story complete.

**EDIT **Except that a lovely reviewer just mentioned something about Nnoitra being called a spoon... I hadn't made that connection yet! Anyway, I'm not sure how that would work, or even if I'll write it, but if I DO write another chapter, it'll probs be about Nnoitra :)

Thanks for reading, guys! ^_^


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